life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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