I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize