You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
