I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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