So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
