so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
