I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
