Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
