why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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