Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize