You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
