Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
