she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
