so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
