Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
