Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize