Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
