My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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