Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
