i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
