I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize