that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
