I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
