Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
