We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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