I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
