we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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