Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize