New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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