Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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