I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
