what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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