I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize