Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
