I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
