you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
