i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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