Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
