So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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