I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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