There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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