i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
