Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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