The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
