All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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