You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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