did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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