Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER

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(480): View more from Arizona

he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!

(602): View more from Arizona

so its atleast an 8 for creativity.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them

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(256): View more from Alabama

You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.

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(949): View more from California

He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.

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(213): View more from California

I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick

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