Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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