I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
