I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
