Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Randomize
