I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
