whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
