so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
