I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize