just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
