sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
