Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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