Yo dont text me then not text me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize