How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
