Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
