Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
