So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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