it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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