Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
