So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
