Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
