Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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