Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
