um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
