I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
