Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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