There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she smelled like a LAN party
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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