I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
