it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
