Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need a beard to bite.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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