roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
