Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
