I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm really busy with my period
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