AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
