She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
