my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
