careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
All the doctor said was why
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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