Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
