I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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