I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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