that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
