I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
