So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
