just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
