better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize