He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
