I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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