With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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