babies were throwing up all over the place
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
