I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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